Real community

The other day, I did something really stupid. I dropped a blackboard on my foot. It hurt. Kind of. But I was talking to someone and didn’t want to look like a wuss so I didn’t say anything. I walked to my car, put the board in before looking down in case I was bleeding.

The lump on my foot was enormous. I went straight to find help from someone, quietly putting my hand on their shoulder and asking them to have a look. No fuss. The trouble is, by then I was feeling very sick and wobbly. Because when you don’t say ouch, apparently, your body forces you to take notice in other ways.

A trip to A and E and then later on a fracture clinic has led to a diagnosis of severe soft tissue damage. Two weeks later I’m still on crutches and wearing a Darth Vader boot each time I go out. And I still can’t carry anything around the house unless I either crawl or can put it in a shoulder bag.

The thing is, I’m the world’s worst at asking for help. I just don’t do it. I want to manage by myself, especially now as I’m not in so much pain. I feel like a total idiot going round Tescos in a wheelchair or not even being able to make my lunch. It’s frustrating. And I didn’t realise how ashamed and vulnerable I would feel about displaying the contents of my mostly empty fridge to the world. Yes, apparently I do each a lot of mouldy cheese sandwiches and chocolate biscuits. I didn’t realise that either before.

But yesterday, someone came and demonstrated church community to me. They not only took me round Tescos in that wheelchair, but then took me home, made my lunch, and cleaned my bathroom for me. Then they came and got me to give me dinner and company at their house that evening. And it’s not the first time either.

I’m just so grateful to be part of a community that cares. That makes sure people in need are looked after. It’s not always perfect, and it doesn’t always happen, but it is a shadow of the Kingdom of God breaking through in our world.

The whole congregation of believers was united as one—one heart, one mind! They didn’t even claim ownership of their own possessions. No one said, “That’s mine; you can’t have it.” They shared everything. The apostles gave powerful witness to the resurrection of the Master Jesus, and grace was on all of them.

And so it turned out that not a person among them was needy. Those who owned fields or houses sold them and brought the price of the sale to the apostles and made an offering of it. The apostles then distributed it according to each person’s need.

New year, new me

Some thoughts from John 1 and Isaiah 59.

Have you made any new year’s resolutions yet? A few years ago, I decided to be a little ambitious and made 21. Including to eat more vegetables and to read lots of books so I could sound clever, and finally, to be less ambitious. A few stuck – one was to take a picture everyday which I kept up until at least June. But mostly they all fell by the wayside, because actually, 1st January is just another date in the diary, there is nothing special and nothing magical about it. And as Christians filled with the Holy Spirit, we already have all we need.

Look – the one who takes away the sin of the world

Firstly, John is baptising great crowds on the banks of the river Jordan. He’s a bit of a maverick figure, and the religious leaders have already sent envoys out to find out what he is doing and why. He spots Jesus he very next day and says – “Look, this is it – this is the man I meant!”. He points to Jesus as the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world.

This is quite interesting, because at this point Jesus hasn’t done any ministry and no one has really heard any of his teaching. And it’s still early days so there is no hint of the coming crucifixion which will take place at the same time as the Passover slaughtering of lambs. John is being prophetic about Jesus and stating an important truth – Jesus is the Lamb of God.

But what does this even mean? The Passover lambs were the ones who died and their blood was spread on the lintels of the houses, so that the Angel of Death passed over and the Israelite slaves did not have their first born sons killed. The lambs quite literally died so that the people didn’t have to. It is also playing with the imagery of God as shepherd and the people of Israel as sheep – but they were the sheep who wandered away.  And throughout the Old Testament, the sacrificial system worked around people bringing animals to sacrifice as they came to worship – mostly lambs unless you couldn’t afford it. The lambs had to be perfect and spotless, and they symbolised taking away the sins of the people. Jesus has come as the perfect lamb, the one who is at the same time God and human, and he alone can take away the sins of the whole world.

Everyone knew that something else was going to happen – that the Old Testament sacrifice system was only a symbol of cleansing because, quite simply, a lamb was never going to be completely perfect. So John points to Jesus as the real life person, not the symbol. Through Jesus we can all know forgiveness and be made new.

It’s through the power of the Holy Spirit that John can see who Jesus is. In fact, he says that the whole reason that John came to baptise people was so that Jesus can be revealed to the world. He came to help people looking for forgiveness, he came to point to the real deal, to the one who can make all things new. It would have been so easy for John to have pointed to his own powerful ministry that was bringing about huge change – so much so that it even had those religious leaders worried about what was happening!

When we share our faith with others, or even just as we talk to others, how eager are we to point to what God is doing in our lives? How much do we prefer to talk about ourselves and to make things all about us?

When we do that, we are, quite simply, just missing the point. We owe everything to Jesus – and he deserves all our praise and worship. It’s not about us! My first resolution for next year is to not have everything all about me – to make my life point to the one who came before me, and who has so greatly surpassed me!

Water vs Spirit

There’s quite a big difference between John and Jesus – John is all about water, about cleansing, about repentance. In fact, Christians today baptise with water – it’s a powerful symbol of us rising from death to life, dying to our old selves and becoming new creations. But that’s where it ends – it’s a symbol. Jesus here is described as baptised in the Spirit – the Spirit has come down from heaven in the form of a dove and remained on him. It’s interesting that a dove is one of the animals which could be sacrificed if you couldn’t afford a lamb, and so represents purity, lowliness and humility. John’s baptism was something any of us can do – but Jesus’ baptism was different and special.

Being baptised in the Holy spirit is something some Christians debate the exact meaning of today – for some there is a definite tangible moment when the gifts of the spirit are poured out, but this doesn’t seem to be what this passage is talking about at all. In fact, this passage links the Spirit to Jesus in a way that suggests once you know Jesus you also can be baptised in the Holy Spirit. And that the Holy Spirit is God with us.

Ultimately, water baptism, the one I imagine we’ve all had, is a symbol. It might be a special day, it might be a special moment, but it is just a marker that we have decided to turn to Jesus. But an encounter with the Holy Spirit is something which will change our lives forever. It doesn’t have to be weird and wacky, but it will be what softens us and makes all things possible in and through us. Knowing God’s Holy Spirit at work in our lives is the difference between trying to keep our new year’s resolutions by ourselves, and having the creator of the universe working inside of us to make all things new and make us into a better person. It may or may not involve eating more vegetables, but it will help us to be the people we are called to be – the way that God created us to be. The Holy Spirit allows us to fulfil our potential as people.

So my second New year’s resolution is to allow God to work inside of me. Again, to not be hugely ambitious, but to allow the Holy Spirit to work, to make me into the person God has made me to be 

Always and forever

It’s easy to get caught up in the moment of making resolutions and then land back to earth again with a bump. It’s equally easy to forget God’s goodness in our lives that goes on and on and on – and then we end up faltering at the first hurdle. John tells us that the Spirit came down to Jesus and remained upon him. And Isaiah mentioned in the first reading we had that “My Spirit, who is on you, and my words that I have put in your mouth will not depart from your mouth, or from the mouths of your children, or from the mouths of their descendants from this time on and forever”. The Spirit has come – and he’s not going anywhere. We’re not abandoned or alone. And there is nothing we can do to stop the fact that the Spirit is poured out into the world.

It might be that not everyone is living by the power of the Holy Spirit – especially those who do not recognise Jesus for who he really is as the Lamb of God and why that might be so significant for them. But it is like a floodgate that has been opened that keeps on flowing through. There’s no going back. We’re in this for good, for the long haul. Sometimes it might even feel like the days of the Spirit working in power in our lives and even in our church are long behind us. But this promise holds firm – the glory days are still here and still ahead of us – because God’s spirit is remaining with us – he will not depart from our mouths forever.

My third resolution is going to be to try to remember this. Even when it feels like I’m on my own in the world battling against sin, the world and the devil, I’m going to try to remember that that isn’t true. That I have the God of the universe fighting alongside me. That those who are with us are so much greater that those who are against. And that the Spirit is here for good. Always and forever.

So those are the resolutions I’m planning to live by in the next year. Feel free to ask in July how I’m doing! I may decide eating more vegetables is a good idea, but somehow, I’m not sure that will change anything in my life. Firstly, everything isn’t about me – I want my life to point to Jesus, secondly to allow God to work inside of me with the Holy Spirit, making me the person he designed all along, and thirdly, not to get despondent but to remember that this is a promise forever. That God’s spirit is here, and is here forever. And I want to invite you to join me in this.

It’ll be lonely this Christmas

Christmas is all about family. About celebrating together, about eating as much as will fit inside, about drinking a lot and about having fun together. Silly games are optional. You hear the stories of the harassed mother who has to cook for thirty on Christmas Day and then another twenty on Boxing Day, but the dishwasher is on the blink. You hear people complaining that they are just so busy as they travel around from pillar to post. But quite frankly, sometimes I just get a little jealous.

I love cooking and entertaining and having fun with friends, but Christmas is a family time. And so often it feels just like I don’t fit. Sometimes, even the events scream out “you need to have children” or those who have come by themselves have to move from the best seats with a view so that others who have come together can sit together. It’s fine. It’s a season for everyone, and yet, there is a lie right at the bottom of it. That lie says we are measured by who we’re with and what we can cook for them. That it isn’t Christmas if it isn’t fun.

Last night I watched a programme about Christmas No. 1 singles, and they started with a comment about Christmastime in post-war Britain. Apparently things were tough, and no one had any money, and it took music from the US to come and cheer things up a bit. That seems so distant now from the excesses we see all around us all the time today – even in times of great poverty and austerity.

Being with friends and family isn’t what makes Christmas. It is still Christmas when we’re lonely and on our own. When the family have fallen out and we’ve been dumped by another half. It’s still Christmas whether we’re rich or poor, young or old, ill or well, whoever and wherever we are.

Because Christmas is about God coming to earth, to live with his people and to be one of us. It’s about God taking a humungous risk in order to save us from the things we’ve done wrong. It’s about celebrating the incarnation of the Messiah, God’s special saving king, not about celebrating who we are and what we have and who we know.

That’s what’s going to keep me going through all the family services and the awkward dinner and the bad tv. That’s what I’m going to be celebrating this year.

Complete and single

Over the summer, some big news hit the Christian world. Vicky Beeching announced that she is gay. She is a broadcaster, commentator, singer-songwriter who spent many years living and working in the US, and her music is sung all over. Shock waves reverberated all over Twitter and the trolls came out for breakfast.

The first comment I want to make is that in no way am I anti-gay. I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman, and that it is only in that context that sex should take place but I believe that God loves everyone gay, straight and all variations in between. And for those who have missed the mark there, there can be complete forgiveness, because God loves us and wipes the slate clean. Cleaner than Daz.

But at the same time, when I heard the news, something inside me was really disappointed. Disappointed because Vicky is a good looking young woman who had as yet remained unmarried. Disappointed, because someone else in a similar situation had been outed “accidentally” on TV by a careless interviewer. Because these two had been some sort of proof that normal people didn’t have to marry young.

Because, as I’ve been getting older, gradually, the single friends have been getting fewer. Now it seems that everyone has somewhere to go, someone else to share with, and a new set of concerns and cares. Families are started, new lives begin.

And when you’re in that situation, it becomes easy to question whether there is something wrong. Whether there is a reason that no eligible bachelor has shown up in my life and whether that means that I’m just not particularly fanciable, or lovable, or even especially likeable. Or whether people might be looking at me, asking the question, “is she gay?”

But I had been at peace with my own singleness. People in my church are keen to match me with someone, seeing it as a waste that I am not married. I had rejected that, and tried to model attractive singleness. That I don’t need to be paired with someone else to be a complete human. That life has not passed me by simply because I don’t have kids by the time I’m 30.

It seems that gradually just as one by one friends have started to meet the love of the life, those role models for being single and living and enjoying life have also gradually started to be picked off, one by one. It feels as if I might be soon the only one left.

I refuse to believe that it is only through relationship with other humans that we are made complete – actually, it is only through being in relationship with God that we can be whole and healed and free. I dream of the day when I might have a husband and a family, but I know then that life will never be perfect and I’ll probably want the single dream after the 4am sick episodes and the smelly nappies and the unwashed socks.

Right now, I can go where I like when I like (as long as my job allows). I can stay up late or go to bed early and it is only me who has to deal with it. I can even use all the hot water. It is great being single. And it is also fairly normal – we no longer live in the world where unmarried women of twenty would be declared spinsters. But we need not to be a church which rejects those who are single and tells them that they are incomplete or unfulfilled. We need not to concentrate on families at the expense of single people.

Together, we can be God’s family on earth. Young and old, single, married, male, female, and everyone. Sexual relationships are not the be all and end all of life, even if they can be rather nice. And most of all, my identity is that of a child of God, not in my gender, sexual orientation or my marital status.

Something lacking

A couple of weeks ago, I landed the lucky task of preaching on Mark 1:29-45. Healing ministry is something that I have personally struggled with a fair amount – especially the idea that some people have their prayers answered and some don’t, and some don’t even have people around them to pray. But a few people said that this had been helpful for them, so I thought I might post it, and try and improve my recent average of one post a year…

Introduction

Changing Lanes video clip Dodgy Steering

Do you ever feel like there is something lacking? Like there is something wrong with the world? Like things aren’t as they should be? Do you every sense there’s something more or long for something better?

This is the beginning of an episode of a course we have been participating in at our youth group called Changing Lanes – it’s all about what it means to be a Christian, it’s a bit like Alpha. This session is all about sin in the world and the fact that things aren’t as God planned them to be. We’re going to be talking about Jesus’ response to the world around him – the way that he dealt with the problems immediately facing him. We’re going to see his power and his compassion in helping those in such great need, and also his total reliance on prayer to fuel his actions throughout. Is there something lacking in your world at the moment? Is there an area that needs God’s healing touch? How will you respond when that healing comes?

Is there something lacking, something needing healing for you? I remember once when I was at school, the teacher who ran the Christian Union decided to invite the whole CU over to his house for a BBQ  but failed to ask his wife first. Needless to say, the event did not happen! Simon and Andrew had invited Jesus and James and John for lunch after they had been to the synagogue together earlier in the day. I imagine in might have been a last minute invitation that may well have created some tension when they arrived to find Simon’s mother-in-law in bed with a fever. But this was no problem for Jesus who helped her out of bed, healing her in the process. Her immediate response is one of gratitude, and lunch is served after all. I’m sure it helped Simon’s relationship with his mother in law no end!

But this healing sparks off the crowds – something new and exciting is happening here. People want to know more, and they want solutions and help for all their own brokenness. The whole town gathered at Simon’s house in hope of healing and of deliverance.

Early in the morning, Jesus slips off alone to pray and escape the crowds in the process. The disciples find him and they decide to go through lots of Galilean villages to cast out more demons, to preach and to heal. One particular incident is described – that of a man with leprosy. He asks Jesus if he is willing to make him clean – to help him to be rehabilitated in a society that was terrified of the infection of wasting skin disease. Of course Jesus is willing – he is even willing enough to touch him and the man becomes clean – almost like a positive infection of cleanliness from Jesus. Jesus sends him on to the proper channels – probably so that people could know that he was really healed as otherwise they wouldn’t go near him. But instead the man tells everyone who Jesus is and what he had done for him, and so everyone wanted a bit of the action – everyone wanted something healed, something changed. For everyone, there was something lacking. Then the crowds became a problem, as they surrounded Jesus. There was no more privacy to be had! The full flow of Jesus’ ministry had begun.

Let’s take a quick look at what healing is and involves here. Jesus simply touches the man, having reached out his hand. Literally, it seems like the healing flows from Jesus into the man, allowing him to be clean or healed. (Leprosy was a defiling skin disease, not only making sufferers ill but also making them unclean. Ultimately it was a killer, and inspired great fear – not unlike ebola today.)

Healing is an awkward topic because, quite honestly, we’re working in the dark. We know that some people are healed in fantastic and marvellous ways, and quite frankly, some aren’t. We’ve all heard the stories of cancerous tumours receding, or broken backs being mended, and even in some cases, of the dead coming back to life. But then we all know people who haven’t been healed, and every funeral marks an unanswered prayer. There often isn’t any rhyme or reason to it either – sometimes it seems that the worst things happen to the best people.

Sometimes healing can be dramatic and almost theatrical, sometimes it happens through the skill of medical professionals. There is absolutely no reason why an all powerful God can’t do either and both. And it’s in passages like these ones where we see God’s heart for healing. We see the compassion Jesus has for those in need – healing even when he is himself exhausted and is seeking peace and quiet. We even see his indignation – some versions of the original even say that Jesus was angry here. It’s likely that people copying the original manuscripts changed the word because they didn’t want to think Jesus could be angry. But he was angry at the brokenness displayed in front of him. He was angry that people suffer from illnesses such as leprosy. He was angry because there was something lacking.

Some of the people Jesus touched had been suffering from demons. Now, this is quite hard to explain, because when we think of demons, often the first thought to come to mind is of a little cartoon devil, complete with pitchfork and horns. We probably don’t have many of them living inside of us. Or alternatively something rather like a lot of weird creatures living in us and feasting on us.  Another common assumption is that the language of demons is a way to express mental health issues, which people two thousand years ago did not properly understand. Although there are some elements of that, I’m not sure that that is the full story. I believe that a better explanation lies in the fact that there are forces of darkness in this world, and those forces have had an impact on many of us in negative ways, leaving behind them marks. Those marks are the “demons” we have to face. Some of them might scream louder than others and affect us more or less. Some of them may well manifest through mental struggles and difficulties. But the most important thing to remember is that the battle has already been won – and not by those forces of darkness. When we welcome Jesus into our hearts, he starts the process of transformation, gradually putting to death each of our demons.

I don’t know if anyone saw Newsnight the other night, where Katherine Welby-Roberts, the daughter of the Archbishop of Canterbury spoke about mental illness and the affect it has had on her life? She also mentioned how the church can be behind on these issues and in offering support for anyone affected. She said that we are quick to point to verses and demon possession, and we’re slow to walk alongside people as they recover. I found an online blog – an article about World Mental Health Day written by someone called Helen. She starts with a tweet:

“‘My name is Helen. I have PTSD & struggle with depression. I am not a freak and I am not demon possessed. #WorldMentalHealthDay #EndTheStigma’ Why? Because I am not a freak. And because my experience over the years has been of being told if I just prayed more, had more faith, or trusted God then I would not struggle with depression, or the issues surrounding the PTSD. I’ve been told many times that I have demons. I’ve been told I am demon possessed. I’ve been told if I honoured God more/was more in love with Him then He would ‘take away’ the blackness. I’ve been told by a Pastor that if I was truly a Christian my story would be erased from my mind, and I would not suffer because of it, therefor depression should not be a part of my life. I’ve been told by another one that I was too much for him, their church, and probably God because the ‘Devil’ really had hold of me. I’ve been told many things. And we wonder why people fear being open and honest about mental health issues they face. We wonder why the last place a person would think about going when in mental health distress is a church. And we wonder why people end up more hurt and damaged by the responses of people, who not only misunderstand but who are often wilfully ignorant of the wider issues.”

Let’s not be a church like that.

Some healing happens fast, some happens slow, and we, as the church, as the Body of Christ, really should be ready to walk alongside people and help them through their struggles, whether improvement happens fast or slow. But what about you? Is there something in your life that needs to see God’s healing touch? Is there a part of your life that needs mending? That feels damaged and abused and hidden away? Why not bring it before God today in prayer.

It goes without saying that someone who offers healing becomes immensely popular, and Jesus certainly was no exception there. Crowds followed him everywhere and it seems that they invaded his personal space. And the same happens here – we know that ministries offering healing to the world are immensely popular, even if people are only going along because in their minds they don’t really quite believe it can really happen. But inside of people there is a desperation, a need to see thing put right in the world and in our lives. Because we can all see that there is something lacking, and something wrong with the way things are at the moment.

There is something wrong though, when people are only interested in Jesus because of his healing power – because as he says himself, he has come to preach a message of hope to the people. Healing physical ailments is only a small part of that message of hope, which encompasses every aspect of our lives in the past, the present and the future. Because when people are attracted to Jesus only because of the healing he has given them, there is something lacking – they are missing out on the bigger picture.

Part of this can be linked with some issues and difficulties with healing ministry in itself. Firstly, however dramatic the healing, ultimately even Lazarus died again. Physical healing in this world is only temporary. Secondly, if we struggle with the decay and ageing symptoms of our bodies, we start struggling with the identity of a whole cross section of our society – what are we saying about the elderly, if everyone’s health has to be perfect all the time? Finally, what about those whose ailment is an intrinsic part of them? I know a young girl with Asperger’s syndrome, which makes her less aware of others and their sensibilities – but that is part of who she is. Can she be healed from that?

Healing is a foreshadowing of the kingdom of God – it is temporary hope of a permanent reality. It isn’t the be all and end all, but it is an amazing gift when it happens – and God works in many fantastic ways and brings healing in places we can only imagine.

How will you respond? Something is lacking but there is great hope. In this passage, we see two different responses to that great hope – firstly Simon’s mother-in-law gets up and waits on Jesus and his disciples. Her response is to give all she can in that instant in worship. She is overwhelmingly grateful for what has happened. And Jesus and the disciples get a free lunch.

The man who Jesus cures of leprosy is a bit different. Jesus told him to go through the proper channels of healing and cleansing in the Temple, part of which involved offering a sacrifice, saying thanks to God for the healing and marking the fact that God had done this. But instead, the man tells everyone that Jesus healed him. In some ways, it is perfectly understandable – it is rather exciting, and I know that I’m not exactly good at keeping secrets myself. His response is excited , but there is something lacking – his response doesn’t especially honour God.

Throughout this passage, we have seen contrasts between light and darkness, public and private and hiddenness and openness. It underlines the brokenness of the world and the hope of the Light of the World coming in Jesus to mend things, to cast out the demons and to announce the message of hope.

Which response will you choose to the healing Jesus has done in your life? Will you give him the honour and glory or does that get a bit lost in all the excitement? Do you immediately seek to worship in a public way, or does everything remain hidden?

Light shining through the darkness is what transforms us. Where is the transformation happening in your life? Light shining into the darkness that sin leaves behind brings healing and makes us new, casting out the demons our past may have left behind.

Of course Jesus is willing to bring healing and transformation. But are we willing to come to him and seek it? Are we willing to be vulnerable and bring the darker parts of our lives into the light? It may not be easy, and it might take work and prayer. But it will always be worth it.

And we know that many things in our world are totally broken. That there is something wrong and something missing. Something lacking. There are hundreds and hundreds of children who will never grow up because of hunger and disease. There are hundreds and hundreds of girls who will be forced into prostitution. There are women who are subject to domestic abuse. There are people who genuinely believe that they have to send their partner pictures of themselves naked because otherwise their partner will look at porn. The rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer. There are long queues at the food banks. The world is suffering from ebola. There are wars. The list goes on.

But what are we going to do about it? We worship a God who brings healing into a broken world, and we know that we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. When we know that those are true, we know that the world is waiting for us to stir into action – to do something to try to help. We might not be able to change much, but that doesn’t mean we can’t try to change something. To what part of God’s creation is he calling us to do those good works? What change can we seek to bring about in his power? It might be physical healing or it might be some other part of the hope we have in Christ.

Fuelling healing by prayer We heard how Jesus spent lots of time by himself in prayer. He withdrew to spend time with his Heavenly Father, even when it was still dark. He spent time being fuelled and re-fuelled through prayer, building up his relationship with God.

Needless to say, that any healing we seek after, whether in doing or having it done to us should be totally wrapped up in prayer. Because the only one to bring healing is God – we are merely his instruments. Nothing happens without prayer.

And that is why we offer prayer ministry support here. We offer people to pray with, whether about something specific or something that remains completely private. We offer people who can prayerfully take your concerns to our Heavenly Father, just as Jesus did. We offer people who can walk alongside throughout the whole journey of being healed in body, mind and spirit. And I think that that sounds like a great offer which can sometimes be a bit underused really!

So if there is anything, big or small, ingrowing toenail or world shattering reality (and I did once hear a testimony about how God healed someone’s veruccas) come and have some prayer. Nothing is to large or too small. It’s an open invitation, so come!

Conclusion Jesus is the answer to all that is lacking in our world. As the guy in the video was saying earlier, it might feel sometimes that there is something wrong, something broken and something lacking. But Jesus makes up for it and shines his light into the darkness and binds up the brokenhearted. Don’t you just want some of that in your life?

But is that all we want? Let’s not miss out on the bigger picture – the one that mends not only our physical reality but also all our inner brokenness, and the permanent reality of the world with no more sadness, no more death and no more tears. Lets not miss who Jesus is in our enthusiasm for the healing he brings. And lets respond to him with service, and with worship. And around all of that, let’s be fuelled by prayer, without which we are nothing at all.

Tell me a story

http://smileandwave.typepad.com/blog/2012/11/square-patchwork-quilt-diy.html

I have a patchwork quilt I made a couple of years ago. A patchwork quilt is supposed to tell a story. It is supposed to be made of all the special and beautiful and significant fabric that you can find. They are supposed to be carefully and exquisitely designed. Some families have passed quilts down for centuries. Some are made with baby dresses or bits from other blankets. Mine wasn’t.

In some places, prisoners have made patchwork quilts as something to do, and something to teach them the art of sewing. There is a link between captivity and creativity. And those quilts began to restore those prisoners into human beings with purpose and imagination. They now had something to do with the hours of solitude that their confinement gave them. Those quilts also told a story.

Now, I’m not so sure about mine. I used odd bits of fabric that I had, some I bought especially. But I didn’t really believe that I could do it. I wasn’t sure I really wanted to invest lots of money into a project I wasn’t sure I could finish. I didn’t really have lots of money anyway.

Somehow though, that quilt charts a difficult story in my own life. It charts the time  of rejection by my mother (and loss of sewing machine, so needed to be finished by hand). It charts the subsequent year and descent into depression and the dark places. It charts God meeting me there at the bottom of the pit and gradually showing his light into the hole and bringing me to the surface gradually and surely. It charts eventual reconciliation and restoration of a broken relationship, even if it will never be completely perfect. And it looks good on my bed and keeps me warm.

It may not be the finest fabric or a complex design, but my quilt does its job. It tells a story. It reminds me that even when I feel like a prisoner in the darkest place there is hope and creativity and imagination possible. It shows me that I can do it – maybe it isn’t perfect but I made a quilt of my own, and that is a great place to start.

Finally, it demonstrates that even in the darkest places, even at our most hopeless, we still have a story to tell. We still matter. We are made in the image of God, and so we are born to create, elegant or exquisite things or not. And even in the darkest places, we can still believe and trust in the God of hope.

Blah blah blah

from http://www.kurzweilai.net

 

You may have noticed that things have been a little quiet recently. In fact, for lots longer than I intended really. To be completely honest, I wasn’t planning to go silent really. It was just there were a lot of other words going on.

There were words to write, words to think and words to shape. There were powerful words, hurtful words, new words, meaningful words and words from God. There were words to share with others and words that were intimately personal. In short, there were a lot of words happening around me, and I didn’t want to add any more into the mix.

But now things have calmed down a bit, and I want to start again. I may have a new job and a new home as well as a new context and new friends to go with it, but I’d like a fresh go at this blog too. I’d like to keep on writing, but maybe take it to some new places. I want to keep on putting words into the great silence that can descend so easily when I’m not paying attention. I want to put into words the amazing things that God is doing in my life.

So, let’s do this thing. I don’t yet know what it will look like or be like, or how much time there will be in amongst all the other words, but I will attempt to carve some space in amongst them. Because all words matter.

seventy times seven?

(image from Gaudenscor)

In Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus told his disciples when they asked (bet they regretted that one) that they had to be prepared to forgive someone who sinned against them seventy times seven (sometimes put seventy-seven times. Not sure which is more correct, but it doesn’t really matter – it’s A LOT).

There are lots of other verses about forgiveness spattered throughout Matthew and the rest of the Bible. You get the impression that it seems to be a good idea. It brings with it the idea of reconciliation and shalom (peace and wholeness) and joy and renewal and mercy and the general topsy-turvy nature of the kingdom of God.

Wonderful. Sounds like such a good theory, doesn’t it? Forgiveness seems to bring benefit to all, even the person who has to get out there and do it. And they all live happily ever after.

Only, I’m just not sure that that is always the case. What if the pain from the hurt is constant and ongoing? What if the person doesn’t recognise that they have done anything wrong? What if they act like you and your hurt don’t exist?

It seems that the jury’s out on whether you need someone to repent before you forgive them. I’m not sure either way. Certainly, it’s not a great idea to carry round a heavy burden of pain which could be laid to rest, but without any acknowledgement from the other party, sometimes it doesn’t feel like there is anywhere safe to put it. As sinners, we need God to forgive us, but the Bible is pretty clear that in order to turn to Christ, we need to repent of all the things we have done wrong.

But then if you look back into recent African history, you soon discover that the people there are good at this. They seem to recognise the value of laying down the burden which some see as being “trapped in a prison of hatred”. (see Rwandan forgiveness article) Terrible things have happened in Rwanda, to name just one country, but people have been prepared to be able to move on. So challenging for us.

Forgiveness hurts. It isn’t easy. It isn’t glamourous. It isn’t fun. And you might never gain recognition for it, because the person who sinned against you may never admit it either to you or to anyone else. They may never demonstrate any sort of remorse. Are you prepared to forgive, even without repentance?

Somehow the cross has to be central. Our burden of hurt is something we can lay down at the foot of the cross, knowing that our sins and those of the other can be met and dealt with there. Jesus died for me and also for the person who abused me. He died for me and those who have rejected me. He died for me, just as he died for everyone.

Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. And it never should. Forgiveness is just that. It means giving up our resentment against someone. It means we don’t harbour a grievance against them.

I think that the seventy times seven reflects the difficulty of this challenge. We have the choice as we wake up each day, as to whether we will forgive so-and-so or not. Seventy times seven. Surely, that’s the number of times we have to forgive each offence, seventy times seven different ones? (Though in some cases, maybe it is more than just one wrong.) It requires continual effort and grace.

It might be painful. It might feel (and quite frankly often does) totally crap. But it is somehow necessary. And the God who does not remain silent, the God who forgives us our sin, and who sent his Spirit upon us is there throughout, our Rock and our Redeemer.

Am I there yet? No. Do I want to be there? Maybe. On a good day. But I do have to keep on trusting in the goodness of God, in and through everything.

How to make yourself popular on a long journey….

Some ideas from a day I spent on a train the other day:

1. Sneeze explosively across the person sitting next to you and their work.
2. Picking your nose and then eating it. In full view.
3. Invading the space of the person sitting next to you. Who wasn’t big to start with.
4. Shouting “Minnie Mouse” very loudly and repeatedly. (This particular perpetrator was very young).
5. Asking said perpetrator to be quiet, but clearly not expecting them to obey.
6. Coughing up your guts and sounding like you might not last out the journey. (Ok, I did feel some sympathy there)
7. Asking your child “Have you done a poo?” when they are practically sitting on you, while you are eating your lunch. Said poo was way too close to my baguette.
8. Letting your child poke their fingers forward to your seat and touch your arm, in a way that would be creepy if they were more than 3 years old.
9. (One for the officials) Not providing plastic boxes for personal belongings going into the X-Ray machine. Said baguette nearly ended up squashed by a suitcase.
10. (Again, one for the officials) Making someone remove their belt while lunch is getting squashed in the above fashion.
11. (Final official one) Looking like you might shoot the person who goes to rescue lunch while still removing belt.
12. Buying MacDonalds for lunch for your family, and the paper bag exploding everywhere. Rejecting help from anyone offering to carry either family, bags or lunch.

And all of these happened on my journey home. The last made me think the most. How much do I reject help when it is offered? “No, I really don’t need you to carry my bag. I’ll just keep on struggling by myself. It’s balanced really….” CRASH
“Of course I can manage!” Hmm.

But the rest were rather amusing. Afterwards…

 

Who am I?

There are times when I feel a little lost. I look back and wonder how on earth I have come to be in that particular place, at that particular time. How on earth did I end up holding this particular responsibility? Did I really say that I love doing x?

It does has its benefits. It means I can be a bit more vague when it comes to making decisions. If I’m not sure who I am it means that I don’t have a set standard of ethics to frame my choices. It means that I can sit back and let others do the hard work and be responsible. It means that I can love my green trousers one day and hate them the next.

Sometimes this can be classed as growth. The idea that you can look back with the benefit of hindsight and ask yourself “really?” Changing is not a bad thing. Especially when it is being transformed into the image of Christ.

But Christians talk a lot about identity. As forgiven people, we find our identity in Christ. We are no longer characterised by sin or the things we have done, but rather by what Jesus has done for us. We are new people. Such good news.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Brilliant. This means that I don’t have to worry about the old labels I had for myself. Self-harmer. Crazy person. Loner.

So why do I? Why did I tell someone yesterday that I considered myself to be mentally unstable at times? Or, even worse, why did I worry that they thought that I was? Do I still see myself as a self-harmer, or someone redeemed by grace?

I wonder whether these labels are easier to handle than facing up to the reality. The reality that I have become a new person, and that I do have choices to make about how to live my life, because that is what grown up people do. I think decisions are difficult sometimes.

There is also the fact that, by considering myself to be a self-harmer, it means that I am allowing myself the possibility of relapse. If I really felt I needed to. Maybe. When desperate. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Again, there are positive aspects to this. It means that I am more likely to seek the help I need from friends and others. It means that I am constantly relying on God for my strength not to cut myself. And it means that I don’t take my recovery for granted.

But to what extent will I be able to recover fully if I stay like this? Does it mean that I am defined by the bad things and the relapses rather than the redemption of the Cross and God’s love for me? How do I think God sees me?

Important questions from a slightly panicked heart.

I choose Christ. I choose to be defined by Him and not by a pair of scissors.

The Lord your God is with you,
the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing.’  (Zephaniah 3:17)

And this is so true.