Archive for the ‘Oh dear’ Category

Real community

Posted: May 19, 2015 in Fear, Oh dear
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The other day, I did something really stupid. I dropped a blackboard on my foot. It hurt. Kind of. But I was talking to someone and didn’t want to look like a wuss so I didn’t say anything. I walked to my car, put the board in before looking down in case I was bleeding.

The lump on my foot was enormous. I went straight to find help from someone, quietly putting my hand on their shoulder and asking them to have a look. No fuss. The trouble is, by then I was feeling very sick and wobbly. Because when you don’t say ouch, apparently, your body forces you to take notice in other ways.

A trip to A and E and then later on a fracture clinic has led to a diagnosis of severe soft tissue damage. Two weeks later I’m still on crutches and wearing a Darth Vader boot each time I go out. And I still can’t carry anything around the house unless I either crawl or can put it in a shoulder bag.

The thing is, I’m the world’s worst at asking for help. I just don’t do it. I want to manage by myself, especially now as I’m not in so much pain. I feel like a total idiot going round Tescos in a wheelchair or not even being able to make my lunch. It’s frustrating. And I didn’t realise how ashamed and vulnerable I would feel about displaying the contents of my mostly empty fridge to the world. Yes, apparently I do each a lot of mouldy cheese sandwiches and chocolate biscuits. I didn’t realise that either before.

But yesterday, someone came and demonstrated church community to me. They not only took me round Tescos in that wheelchair, but then took me home, made my lunch, and cleaned my bathroom for me. Then they came and got me to give me dinner and company at their house that evening. And it’s not the first time either.

I’m just so grateful to be part of a community that cares. That makes sure people in need are looked after. It’s not always perfect, and it doesn’t always happen, but it is a shadow of the Kingdom of God breaking through in our world.

The whole congregation of believers was united as one—one heart, one mind! They didn’t even claim ownership of their own possessions. No one said, “That’s mine; you can’t have it.” They shared everything. The apostles gave powerful witness to the resurrection of the Master Jesus, and grace was on all of them.

And so it turned out that not a person among them was needy. Those who owned fields or houses sold them and brought the price of the sale to the apostles and made an offering of it. The apostles then distributed it according to each person’s need.


Some ideas from a day I spent on a train the other day:

  1. Sneeze explosively across the person sitting next to you and their work.
  2. Picking your nose and then eating it. In full view.
  3. Invading the space of the person sitting next to you. Who wasn’t big to start with.
  4. Shouting “Minnie Mouse” very loudly and repeatedly. (This particular perpetrator was very young).
  5. Asking said perpetrator to be quiet, but clearly not expecting them to obey.
  6. Coughing up your guts and sounding like you might not last out the journey. (Ok, I did feel some sympathy there)
  7. Asking your child “Have you done a poo?” when they are practically sitting on you, while you are eating your lunch. Said poo was way too close to my baguette.
  8. Letting your child poke their fingers forward to your seat and touch your arm, in a way that would be creepy if they were more than 3 years old.
  9. (One for the officials) Not providing plastic boxes for personal belongings going into the X-Ray machine. Said baguette nearly ended up squashed by a suitcase.
  10. (Again, one for the officials) Making someone remove their belt while lunch is getting squashed in the above fashion.
  11. (Final official one) Looking like you might shoot the person who goes to rescue lunch while still removing belt.
  12. Buying MacDonalds for lunch for your family, and the paper bag exploding everywhere. Rejecting help from anyone offering to carry either family, bags or lunch.

And all of these happened on my journey home. The last made me think the most. How much do I reject help when it is offered? “No, I really don’t need you to carry my bag. I’ll just keep on struggling by myself. It’s balanced really….” CRASH
“Of course I can manage!” Hmm.

But the rest were rather amusing. Afterwards…


So I have a lot of stuff. I have decided. I’m currently living it up in the South of France (as you do) and, for essentially a three week holiday, I needed 23 kilos in my suitcase and a heavy rucksack besides. Good job I came by train.

Somehow, packing is something which fills me with horror. And even more horror. I simply cannot decide what to bring. Do I really like that t-shirt enough – doesn’t it make me look like I’m jaundiced? Or what about those trousers? Does anything else even match them?

I discovered that I own somewhere in the region of 25 vest tops. Only about 5 are decent enough to wear in public. The others are all vests , and some cannot even be said to be that as they are WAY too small, and therefore very uncomfortable indeed.

Do I keep believing the myth that one day, I will fit into it all again? Or should I cut my losses and bin the lot? How much do I want to be thin again – more than I desire Jesus to change my life?

How is it possible to pack for time away when the weather could do anything (and probably will) without creating a suitcase so heavy it is embarassing? Why does it feel like having things will make everything safe and ok? That I need all the things I own at all times, just in case?

“Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”

And I still failed to bring clothes that match. And my sunglasses. Tant pis.


words fail

Posted: January 9, 2013 in Oh dear
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A few days ago I had a phonecall from a friend to say an old housemate of mine, a good friend had died. We had known she had cancer, and that things were deteriorating, but she was only just 26 and somehow, we were hoping in something. It was a shock, but not a surprise.

It is just generally rubbish. Sometimes there is nothing to say. Things don’t happen as they should. L shouldn’t have died.

Another friend reminded me yesterday that no one should die. None of this is God’s plan. But I’m not sure that is helping right now.

There are no glib answers to this. I can only imagine what her parents and brother and boyfriend are going through, have been going through and will go through in the weeks, months and years to come. And pray, not only for them, but also that God’s kingdom may come and put an end to this. Soon.

Ironic. Went to make some gingerbread for the lovely people I will be visiting and staying with in the next few weeks after posting that just now, but forgot to put the sugar in. Maybe I’m not so perfect after all, or even the domestic goddess I would like to consider myself…


A thin time

Posted: November 16, 2012 in body stuff, Oh dear
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So, this week has not been one of those weeks. It started out as usual, lots to do, people to see, etc. But then, without warning came the sickness. The sickness that found me lying on the bathroom floor as I didn’t have the energy to stand up to be sick. Then came the aches and the desire never ever to eat or drink anything EVER again. Or even get up from my bed.

Five days later, two books, and at least 30 episodes of the West Wing, I am finally on the mend. Three days only eating a few crumbs and not feeling like anything else took its toll though. Half a stone down, I am desperate not to put that weight back on. Coaxing myself on one hand to try and have three meals a day, but on the other not to get any bigger.

Yes, this is totally daft. I think probably half the weight that came off probably came off from dehydration. The other half is likely muscle, given the effort it takes to get anywhere right now. Both of these are fairly crucial for sustaining life.

Secondly, how could the hunger really be alluring? What about the headaches? The total lack of confindence? The stomach growls that came from always needing food? The black toes from the poor circulation…And we could go on, but we don’t have all day.

I really need to remember that being fat is not the worst case scenario in all of life. That hunger is nto a good thing – it is a sign of need. And that God is bigger than all of this.

And maybe also, that there is just some food that tastes good. And that is ok.

A bad day??

Posted: June 4, 2012 in Oh dear
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So, having a day when everything feels a little like the above. A day when it seems like everything (even the weather) is against me. Faced with my own company and a to-do list, and quite frankly it is boring. Hence, finding interesting videos.

Think I might try to be creative later – see if that helps remove me from my pit. And in the meantime, I had a little chuckle.