Archive for April, 2012

Well. Forgiveness. It’s a big one isn’t it? Somehow, it is something that always sounds really, really simple and easy. For those little things. But then something big comes along and you realise that you have to forgive there too.

And sometimes, you see people on the news, or on a TV programme (I remember they showed us one like that in R.S. at school) where there are people who have had terrible things happening to their families, and yet they have forgiven those who did it.

But as for me, I’m still angry sometimes. Sometimes I need to be reminded that it’s not about the big, public gestures but the everyday things. The choices I make and the attitudes I take. Do I remember each and every day that I have forgiven, so I will not carry that particular load any more. Somehow I doubt it.

For me, I have to keep forgiving something massive – the abuse from when I was smaller. But also the neglect from those who should have realised that there was something wrong. Somehow, that seems harder – I mean, surely it was at least noticeable that things weren’t right? That I wasn’t eating. That I was alone always. That I completely stopped talking.

What will it take to completely let go of all of this? I don’t know.

But one thing I do know, is that I have been forgiven much as well. Maybe not as much as a child molester, but let’s face it, I can’t stand right before God by myself. I am a sinner, but I have been made clean. And I think that is where I have to start.