Posts Tagged ‘christian’

So, someone asked me earlier if I would be up for talking at their church youth group about some of my story and my issues, in the hope that it might help people see that self-harm, depression and self-image problems are widespread and not the elephant in the room that no one talks about.

And that then got me thinking – how do you think people should respond to self harm? Should it be an easy topic of conversation, or not? Should everyone know about it, or would that then encourage others to follow suit? How do you even go about telling someone that you have self-harmed?

Some of these have gone so wrong for me. I didn’t talk about it enough with one friend to the extent that she thought scissors would make a good birthday present. Others have been determined to fix things, or have told me how I should feel. But some have been brilliant.

So, I am interested to know – what has your experience been?

I’m just going to put it out there straightaway. I hate Mothers’ Day. Even the apostrophe in it seems out to get you.

I’m sure it is a great time to celebrate families, and give mothers flowers and just show a little appreciation for the fact that someone did change your nappies and clear up your sick for a good few years, before dealing with everything else you decided to put them through.

But what if you don’t have a mother? Or if yours has failed to keep up to the gold standard that society seems to demand? What if you don’t want to show your appreciation, because, it seems that changing nappies was a small price for them to pay for the damage that you feel took place instead?

One of the first Mothering Sundays that I can remember was when I was 8 or 9 or so, and somehow I had manage to wake up and completely forget what day it was. I just remember that she treated me as a criminal for the rest of the day. Just because I hadn’t said Happy Mothers’ Day. I hadn’t properly forgotten, but just failed to realise the significance of the day. And let’s just say, I never forgot again.

Things with my Mum never really got much better than that. I was always in trouble for something, or had always just done something wrong. As I grew older, I just spent more and more time in my room to escape.

But then I became a Christian, and started going to church. And then suddenly I was part of a bigger family. It might be a family that fails sometimes, but they seem to be headed more in the right direction, by aiming to follow Jesus in all that they do. So rather than concentrating on the failure of a relationship which seems to create hurt whatever I do, I want to pay tribute to all the women who have “mothered” me in the Christian sense over the past few years.

First there was M. She was lovely, and had three kids of her own who were also lovely. She helped me to see the good parts in life, and helped me to cry about the bad things.

Then there was D. She helped me to recognise that we can move on from being in a mess to the life Jesus brings to us.

A helped me by simply understanding me. And allowing me to be the person I am, without criticism. She helped me to see how good a family could be, and taught me to relax and be less hard on myself. And promised me that there was always a bed for me if I needed it.

Then we had another A, who totally opened her home to me, and told me that I was always welcome.

L offered me some of the best advice around, helping me to address the problems I have.

J allowed me to be a broken person, reminding me that God loves me still even when I mess things up. And helping me to win the battles deep inside of me, encouraging me to want to get better.

So, thank you God for putting these women in my path over the last few years. I’m so grateful to all of them, and would gladly take any for my mother. It is amazing how we can become family to one another, and I pray that one day, I might be able to help someone else just as these ladies have helped me.

Welcome!!

Posted: November 20, 2011 in Welcome
Tags: , ,

Welcome to my new blog. This is a place where I want to share my journey into healing as a Christian who self-harms. I want to share the things that have helped me and the thigns that have been encouraging, in the hope that they might help others too.

Come and join me!

“But you, Sovereign LORD,
help me for your name’s sake;
out of the goodness of your love, deliver me.”       (Psalm 109:21)